10 Shoes You Should Never Be Caught Wearing

Here at Prolific Magazine, we are dedicated to keeping our readers on the cutting edge of culture. That’s why we present you this list of ten pairs of shoes you should never be caught wearing.

Ten terrible pairs of trashy, tacky and tawdry footwear. Hopefully with this list, and information contained within, we can help you avoid a potentially fatal fashion faux pas:

10. UGGs

Unless you live in an igloo, speak Inuit and hunt caribou, you should never wear these shoes. Leave the Eskimo boots to the Eskimos. Period.

9. Gladiator Sandals

Gladiator was an excellent movie, and Russel Crowe’s performance was stupendous. However, if you take fashion cues from a movie about Ancient Rome, you probably need to get a grip on reality. Either that, or go all the way and start wearing a toga.

8. Crocs

Good Idea: A pair of light-weight, breathable shoes that backpackers can throw on after a long day on the trail.

Bad Idea: Wearing those light-weight, breathable shoes in a public place.

Worse Idea: Making those shoes in all the colors of the rainbow.

Worst Idea: Color coordinating your Crocs, BlackBerry and ?? Delta Zeta t-shirt.

If comfort is your prerogative, stick to the tried and true sandal. Although it’s still not classy, the sandal affords the laid back appeal of Crocs, without heinous aesthetic.

7. Birkenstocks

Inconceivably comfortable or not, the idea of paying $100+ for a pair of sandals seems absurd; especially when those $120 sandals make you look like that kid you went to college with, who skipped class to smoke doobies and listen to “Dark Side of the Moon” backwards.

Buying comfortable shoes is important, and you should always be willing to drop a few extra bucks for shoes that your feet will enjoy wearing. But if you’re going to splurge, at least make sure the shoes you’re buying will make you look good. Never sacrifice style for comfort.

6. Knee High Boots

Ladies, let us be candid. You look like a stripper when you wear these. Just say no. Men, you too.

5. Skate Shoes

Rumor has it that after the lunar landing missions, NASA sold the designs of their moon boots to skateboard footwear companies. Since then, skate shoes have become officially endorsed by insubordinate teenagers around the world. With few exceptions, the vast majority of skate shoes are obnoxious, big and unsightly. I don’t care how comfortable you say they are. You look dumb.

As a rule of thumb, stay away from attention grabbing sneakers. Stick to the classic Chuck Taylors or Jack Purcells. Dripping with Americana, these shoes are versatile, comfortable and will work with any outfit. Most importantly, people will spend less time gawking at your kicks and more time paying attention to what really matters, you.

4. Skechers

People who wear Skechers can be divided into three basic categories: 12 year old Hannah Montana disciples, awkward adolescents who wear novelty t-shirts and spend too much time on MySpace, and mid-to-late twenty somethings who think themselves fashionable for shopping at The Gap.

If you’re looking for a more refined look, opt for a pair of classic oxfords, or loafers. The few extra dollars you will spend on a clean, well-made pair of shoes will say a lot about you.

3. Puma Track Shoes

Sleek, low-profile shoes are a great match with a pair of slim-cut or skinny jeans. But when your shoes start to look more like a Formula One race car than actual footwear, you know you’ve gone too far. And if your shoes actually have Formula One emblems on them, consider you fashion fate sealed.

Again, steer clear of extravagant sneakers. Nobody likes the guy who calls to much attention to himself because of what he’s wearing. Wearing flamboyant clothing will only make you look ostentatious, or like those silly Eurotrash kids who listen to house music, eat pills like candy and dance like they’re having an epileptic fit.

2. Slip-On Sneakers

Everything you wear is a personal statement. Your clothes and how you wear them convey a message to everyone you interact with. What do slip-on sneaks say about you? I would imagine something along the lines of, “HI! I’m a free-thinking individual who is too lazy to take 20 seconds out of my day to tie my shoes!” Humans have been gifted with opposable thumbs, so make use of what you have and lace up.

1. Square-Toed Dress Shoes

Square-toed shoes were first introduced as a modern take on the classic oxford style. A subtle square toe can give an elegant andmodern look to your apperance. Some brands, such as Kenneth Cole and Hugo Boss, have mastered the art of angles. When selecting a square-toed shoe, bear in mind that you walk a fine line between sophistication and downright boxiness. If you look like you’re wearing kleenex boxes instead of actual footwear, you’re probably not going to be taken seriously. Subtlety is key.