Music’s 6 Greatest Falls From Grace

 

These musicians may have once been highly respected and well-liked, but now they are over the hill and selling out left and right.

 

 

6. Jewel

Jewel isn’t the only folksy singer-songwriter to turn into a sellout pop-princess (think Nelly Furtado), but because her transformation was so drastic, I feel I must mention her. Jewel Kilcher began her musical odyssey playing sensitive acoustic songs, and using her natural yodel-tinged voice and poetic lyrics to create some classic 90’s tunes. She even recorded her first album, “Pieces Of You,” on Neil Young’s ranch, backed by his band, The Stray Gators. But a few albums and poetry books later, Jewel was hamming it up on MTV, lip-synching her pop-song “Intuition” and dancing like a post-meltdown Britney Spears. Now for all you Jewel fans who scoff at us cynics and vouch for Jewel and her brilliant mockumentary of the pop-world, let me let you in on the real deal: I do realize what Jewel attempted to convey through her song and her video. I understand that she was trying to poke fun at the Britneys and Christinas and Kate Mosses of the world. Unfortunately for Ms. Kilcher, her half-hearted effort to make fun of these divas turned her into one. If you’re going to write a song condemning manufactured celebrities and criticizing the public’s insatiable appetite for lyrical platitudes, don’t lower yourself to that level just to do so. People are stupid. They can’t differentiate between one crap song and the next. But you’re even stupider if you don’t realize that, and if you honestly expect the MTV crowd to analyze your lyrics and try to decipher the deeper meaning of your music video rather than watch you wet your t-shirt, than you’re in for a major disappointment. Sorry Jewel but your intuition led you in the completely wrong direction.

 

 

5. John Fogerty

John Fogerty has been slowly falling from grace since he left his greatest musical venture, Creedence Cleerwater Revival, in 1972. He had some minor success with his 80’s solo release titled “Centerfield” (even though he was sued for plagiarizing his own material), but his subsequent attempts to make a musical comeback were unwelcomed by an apathetic public. Fogerty’s most infamous act of musical prostitution took place in 2006, when he played a series of unforgivably-awful shows during half-time at two NFL football games. John’s set was composed of a drawn out medley containing portions of his most well-known songs, all strung together to more successfully pander to his audience. It’s as if he was so desperate to please everyone that he thought to himself: “Maybe someone in the audience wants to hear “Born on the Bayou” instead of “Down on the Corner!” Or maybe someone won’t recognize “Run Through the Jungle,” but they might know “Fortunate Son.” I guess I should just play all of them, but I only have a four minute time-slot….” You’re a musician, a rock star, a rebel; take a chance! Did you build your career by pleasing everyone? Play a song and stick with it, and if some high-school kid named Chad wanted you to play the one that’s on his Guitar Hero, too bad. You’re better than that John, at least I thought so.

 

4. Jefferson Airplane

In 1974, Jefferson Airplane switched from acid to ecstasy, traded in their guitars for synthesizers, and released their first album as Jefferson Starship (later to be just called Starship). While Airplane produced some fabulous and timeless music during their stint in the 60’s, Starship produced some abhorrent, “Foreigner” inspired garbage during the 80’s. When a band decides to pursue a different artistic vision, results can vary between brilliant and dreadful; Starship exemplifies the latter. Their electronic fueled outings are simply embarrassing, and completely unlike anything Airplane had done before. The difference between Airplane’s classic, “White Rabbit,” and Starship’s fluke of a hit, “We Built This City,” is like the difference between a full body massage given to you by Penelope Cruz and an enema given to you by your high-school gym teacher. The fact that these two songs were written and performed by the same band boggles even the most imaginative of minds.

 

3. Guns N’ Roses

Though I personally am not a big fan, I won’t deny that Guns N’ Roses’ debut album “Appetite for Destruction” was a welcome life preserver in the sea of mascara laden hair-metal bands that populated the 80’s. Axl Rose wasn’t a pseudo-masculine Rob Halford wannabe, he was a rock star. Slash wasn’t a failed hairdresser turned sub-par guitar player, he was a virtuoso ax-wielding god. GNR had a lot going for them, but after Slash began drifting in and out of the group, and then when Axl became increasingly reclusive, the band slowly faded away….until….the 2002 VMA’s. Before this infamous performance there was hope that GNR still had retained their sparkle. But immediately after host Jimmy Fallon introduced them, it was apparent that the once fearless and jolting rock group now resembled nothing more than a mediocre Guns N’ Roses tribute band. Axl, sporting a new face and comical dreads, did his best to recapture his youthful euphony, but by their last song, “Paradise City,” he was obviously straining just to keep up. The show was terrible, and the bands efforts to further their comeback were ineffective. In fact, they still haven’t released their album “Chinese Democracy” that was scheduled to come out in 2006. I’m actually quite happy about that, because according to Wikipedia, an additional vocalist credited on the album is Shaquille O’Neal. You’d think “Kazaam” would have taught people something.

2. Johnny Rotten

Is no one sacred? Can it be that Johnny Rotten, a once volatile and uncompromising musical force, is now voluntarily participating in the vile cesspool of reality TV? Is the ultimate non-conformist following the pathetic footsteps of every other washed-up joke of an artist? I wish the answer was no. I wish I could cry out in vain: “That’s not true, that’s impossible!” before plunging into the Death Star’s massive abyss. But I can’t. Johnny Rotten has fallen from grace; zip-lining from revered punk icon to celebrity judge on “Bodog Music Battle of The Bands,” retiring from anarchism and enrolling in the shameless reality show “I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!” Is Rotten that desperate for a paycheck? Record a comeback album, schedule a reunion tour, write a children’s book; anything would be less degrading and predictable than reality TV. Johnny once posed the question, “Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated?” Well for those who didn’t understand him then, I’m sure they do now.

1. Michael Jackson

When you’re groomed from birth to be a successful pop-star by your bitter and abusive father, the consequences are rarely positive. It was only a matter of time before that cute kid from the Jackson 5 started showing some scars from his youth; at least he made “Thriller” before it hit the fan. Jackson’s fall from grace began in 1993, when the first allegations of child-molestation were vocalized by Jackson’s playmate, 13 year-old Jordan Chandler. In all likelihood the accusations were fabricated to further Jordan’s father’s moneymaking scheme, but the scandal shed light on some of Michaels disconcerting habits; chiefly his desire to share his bed with children. In the following years, more and more troubling tales concerning the King of Pop plagued the public: his excessive plastic surgery, his urge to dangle babies out of windows, his immature hoarding of The Beatle’s catalogue like a 6^th grader hogging the PlayStation. Soon, the fragile balance between talented musician and crazy weirdo was eliminated, and whenever Michael was mentioned, you knew something strange would follow. His controversial activities managed to overshadow what was left of his dwindling musical career, and the once talented and charismatic pop-sensation is now known, unfortunately, as Wacko-Jacko.